The Beauty of Interdependence and Love ♡

Part of my self-care practice involves this idea of caring for others — not just me. The integration of community care is just as important as caring for yourself. I want us to be interdependent on one another. Capitalism will tell you to have to do it alone, you have to heal alone, you must carry your burdens alone… NO, you don’t. We can help one another through the balance of BOTH self-care and community care. We can help each other thrive and heal.

In terms of a romantic relationship, our individualistic western society will tell us things like “You have to completely love yourself before you can love someone else” or “You have to work on yourself first before you can receive love.” I don’t really agree with that premise. People love family and friends without being “fully-realized-actualized-beings” all the time.

Interdependence is when partners recognize and value the importance of the emotional bond they share while maintaining a solid sense of self within the relationship dynamic. Rusbult CE, Van Lange PA. Interdependence, interaction, and relationships. Annual review of psychology. 2003 Feb;54(1):351–75.

This is where strong individuals, are involved with each other, but without sacrificing themselves or compromising their values.

Interdependence means valuing vulnerability and allowing it to grow through emotional intimacy. This also means each partner is able to maintain their autonomy without sacrificing themselves, their values, or their needs. Interdependence is different from codependence.

“A codependent person tends to rely heavily on others for their sense of self and well-being. There is no ability for that person to distinguish where they end and their partner begins, there is an enmeshed sense of responsibility to another person to meet their needs and/or for their partner to meet all of their needs to feel okay about who they are.” — https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-build-a-relationship-based-on-interdependence-4161249

Codependent relationships prioritize the relationship itself over the people involved.

However, through interdependence, we can rely on one another in times of need, and create a secure, loving environment. We don’t have to do things alone, and the people involved feel comfortable that they can ask for help.

“Partners are not demanding of one another and they do not look to their partner for feelings of worthiness. This gives each partner space to maintain a sense of self, room to move toward each other in times of need and the freedom to make these decisions without fear of what will happen in the relationship.”